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How to Love, by M.D. Gordon Livingston M.D.
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Dr. Gordon Livingston’s books have resonated with readers as universally and deeply as earlier books by M. Scott Peck, Rollo May, and Erich Fromm. Now, Gordon Livingston—a physician of the human heart, a philosopher of human psychology—offers an urgently needed meditation on who best (and who best not) to love—and how best to love. Dr. Livingston’s primary focus in this new book is on helping us to recognize in ourselves and in others constellations of character traits and what those traits imply both with regard to compatibility and future conduct. As in his previous books, here are Dr. Livingston’s trademark gifts—an unerring sense of what is important, and what Elizabeth Edwards has characterized as “his unapologetic directness and his embracing compassion”—again deployed to provide readers everywhere with a much-needed alternative to the trial-and-error learning that makes wisdom such an expensive commodity.
- Sales Rank: #1076876 in Books
- Published on: 2009-05-26
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: .89" h x 5.26" w x 7.42" l, .63 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 240 pages
Review
Baltimore Sun, 5/31/09
“Livingston writes clearly, knowledgeably and with a wry humor as he discusses personality types to avoid (narcissists are No.1), virtues to look for and to inculcate in ourselves (flexibility ranks high) and ways to improve relationships (try reciprocal kindness)…A must-read.”
Boston Globe,, 6/7/09
“As gracefully written as Erich Fromm’s classic The Art of Loving, How to Love recognizes the things in love that last, and may alter the way you look at others and yourself.”
About the Author
Gordon Livingston, MD, is a psychiatrist and writer whose three previous books—Only Spring; Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart; and And Never Stop Dancing—have been published in more than 22 countries. He lives and works in Columbia, Maryland.
Most helpful customer reviews
30 of 31 people found the following review helpful.
Dr.Livingston Gets It !
By The Rog
As a writer, Dr. Gordon Livingston has that rare gift of taking a complex subject and explaining it to the reader in a way that is easy to understand. Gordon makes you examine the topic from what is good for you and what you need to avoid when entering a relationship based on love. His gentle but confronting style forces you to pause and think about your good, bad and ugly relationships. Love is not easy to find or accept but Dr. Livingston gives you an opportunity to explore for yourself how you could have a healthy loving relation. This book should be read by men and women who desire to love and be loved."How to Love" is a treasure that you need to read and share with your friends and loved ones.
31 of 33 people found the following review helpful.
Finding The Right Life Partner & Avoiding The Wrong Ones
By Lawrence J. Danks
How to Love
"How To Love" could just as easily have been titled: "Finding The Right Person To Share Your Life With and Avoiding Those Who Can Cause You A Lot of Unhappiness and Pain." Dr. Livingston,a medical doctor and practicing psychiatrist,uses his many years of experience and counseling to teach us how to dramatically increase our odds of finding the right life partner by identifying dangerous behaviors we should be on the lookout for,then pointing out the many essential virtues we should seek.
His short essays on various topics clearly indicate a professional who has had the benefit of hearing many sad stories and sharing that experience to help keep the reader from becoming yet another statistic. Some of the book's headings include:
*The most dangerous food to eat is wedding cake (not that being married is a problem, but sharing a relationship with the wrong person is)
*The trouble with parents is that by the time they are experienced they are unemployed
*If it weren't for marriage,men and women would have to fight with total strangers
It's hard not to like a guy like this.
Two sections really stuck out for me. One was: "No hell is private". It deals realistically with the problems people face when having to deal with drug abuse and how we can become conflicted by wanting to help,yet not losing ourselves in the process.
Another was Dr. Livingston's section on the virtue of kindness. I wrote a book about kindness being a principal road to happiness("Your Unfinished Life").His section on kindness is the best I've read - and I've read many. How would you like to be in love like this:
" In the presence of one disposed to kindness you will notice an absence of guile,an ability to listen,and a disinclination to compete. If you can reciprocate,you will experience a growing feeling of safety and trust. You may find yourself disclosing things about yourself that you previously have been at pains to conceal: fears and vulnerabilities. The need for protection drops away, as does the requirement to be something other than you are. You experience, paradoxically, a growing satisfaction with yourself combined with a desire to be a better person. You feel that a great burden has been lifted from you. You are,at last, good enough. In fact,the image of yourself that you see reflected in your loved one's eyes may be nearly perfect. You would like this moment to last forever. Imagine that."
Dr. Livingston's book is at once a potential lifesaver and a life maximizer, all thoughtfully and eloquently expressed. It would be hard for any reader not to find the Doctor's words speaking directly to many of her or his own life situations, accompanied by wise and experience-based counsel about the best directions to move our lives in next.
16 of 19 people found the following review helpful.
idealistic advice
By bko
The formula for this genre is always the same: recognize your parent's errors, address their effects on your behavior, become a wonderful person, marry a wonderful person, and rear wonderful children.
Dr. Livingston's book warns those who are looking for love to avoid people who exhibit personality disorders. Full-blown PDs are rare, however.
My experience is that nearly everyone has a touch of something, usually in only one or two realms of their lives, or exhibited only for particular people- someone might be a swell guy, but has insurmountable anxieties concerning sex. Someone else may be everything you ever wanted, but she exhibits near-borderline behavior when her partner wants to discuss money. Yet another may be a fantastic father, but at work he's passive- aggressive.
To instruct those seeking love that they should avoid anyone who is anxious, depressive, controlling, deceptive, moody, touchy, self-centered, etc..., (and that they must not exhibit these all-too-human traits themselves) is simplistic. The book is sweet and nicely written and it's always fun to read about "those" people, but it only made me wistful that my mate and I are far from perfect.
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